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Gonzo Lives

Monday, June 14, 2004

Memo From The National Affairs Desk

The following memo is being posted at the request of the National Affairs Desk, stationed in Washington, D.C. last week to cover the response to Former President Reagan's passing.

The mainstream media's coverage of last week's weeklong memorial for ex-President Ronald Reagan wasn't just biased in its positively glowing assessment of the man's life and career, but completely ignored an entire piece of the story in D.C. While crowds of sappy members of the so-called Silent Majority paid their respects to Mr. Reagan, hordes of Lefties descended upon Washington to revel in what they hoped would soon be the death of rampant conservatism in the wake of the death of its reigning godfather.

And why shouldn't they be so optimistic. The current regime would be nothing without the building blocks put in place by Mr. Reagan. The doctrines and diplomacies of this herd of swine were birthed by Reagan's loins and raised by his cohorts.

The red flame of conservatism wasn't snuffed out by Mr. Reagan's last breath, however, and so the Left began calling for change, with the current ombudsman of oligarchy their direct target.

Some ideas spewed forth by the massive protesting crowds were worth considering. One was to lop off the legs of the red swath of Middle America. Already reeling from the loss of their figurehead, score another blow to the body and don't give 'em a chance to get back up. The plan was simple: force a secession of Texas. "FORGET THE ALAMO!" was the crowd's battle cry, and hey, why not. Get rid of the cowboys and oilmen and get rid of the cowboy politics and criminal conspiracies.

For all their ideas and protests, though, the cause was lost. Hour after hour the beaming grin of that barmy bastard was broadcast on national television, with fond recollections of The Gipper and all that he had done. Fear not, though; the Left will not forget, and while the current regime shifts its definition of the Evil Empire to various enemies du jour, the Left knows where the true Evil Empire lies: right smack below the knees of Middle America.


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